I just finished a time of bawling a few minutes ago and it was right after someone sent me a text message that simply said that she is praying for me.
The first thing I thought while I was crying was, 'Is it because I'm sad that she has to be praying for me in this way? or Am I crying because I haven't been crying too hard lately and it's a buildup of emotion?'
Who can really know why?
I let those thoughts go as they turned to asking my baby to come back. I know in my head that she's not and that she can't, but somehow it just feels so right to say those words out loud.
This whole timing of when I'm going to cry is a mystery to me. That bout of tears was definitely unexpected. It's strange because sometimes the times I think I should be crying (like when I'm looking at her pictures) I don't always cry. Sometimes, I cry just from one thought of my baby. I'm going to give up trying to over-analyze the exact reasons for me crying. If I feel like it, I'm not going to hold it in. And I need not be ashamed of my tears.
One thing that helped me last week was realizing the truth of this verse - Psalm 56:8
You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
I somehow misconstrued this verse to think that the writer says, "put my tears in my bottle". I would tell people that since I'm just naturally a crier that my bottle is SO big. What a comfort to know that I won't have anything to with my tears after I cry them...that God is so wonderful that HE takes care of all that.
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